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Tired.

I've been really tired lately so I can't wait to hit the sack in a few minutes but before I forget...

So, I've been messing around with a music sequencer for a few months and just recently started uploading my finished works. So far I've only been doing remixes of different VG songs but my goal eventually is to come up with something original of my own.

I'd like some opinions/advice regarding my stuff. Comments of any kind are appreciated.

Here's a link to my profile page.

http://shanath.newgrounds.com/

Hope you enjoy if you end up listening.

Time is fleeting...

It's hard to believe it's been almost four years since my last journal entry. Even though I go online from time to time to comment on some people's journals, I haven't really felt the need to vent for the longest while.

These past few months have been troublesome, to say the least. Issues in my life spiraled out of control and I tried my utmost to keep up with the pace of school and my full-time job to help pay with college supplies and what-not. It hasn't been an easy two and a half years, the workload from college was pretty big but what really got to me is that I barely had any money left at the end of the month to make ends meet and sooner than later I had to resort to private loans.

In hindsight it was a pretty terrible desicion, taken without much thought process into it. It's true most students need to resort to this type of financial aid in order to get through college but I never thought it would escalate to such a point where it would be out of my control. As it turns out I had to leave college mid-way with a little more than just a year and a half left to finish as I simply wouldn't have been able to afford the kind of monthly payments they wanted me to do otherwise.

I've had the terrible experience of choosing Sallie Mae as my lender. These people just can't be dealt with. It's very hard to get in contact with them without some kind of important information getting lost along the way. Their customer service reps are useless and a few weeks ago after hassling with about three different reps, I found out that Sallie Mae is not responsible for sending out any kind of statements through mail. How does this work is beyond me. It's the first time in my life I've heard a company/bank you owe money to isn't responsible to let you know when your payments are due. Of course, if you happened to be late with the payments due to their inabilty to work efficiently they won't hesitate to call you 4-6 times a day to remind you you'll go into default if you don't do anything about it. The interest rate is another thing that worries me, I'll probably end up paying double the amount I borrowed when I do finish paying the loan.

I feel like I should have been more cautious but truthfully, my options were limited at the time and I didn't know what I was getting into. Should I have been so encouraged to go to college? I think I made the choice too abruptly and right now am in complete deadlock. It feels like I'll be climbing out of debt until the day I die and I am realizing how factual a reality this actually is. If I could have gone in another direction when I was 18, I can honestly say that I would have taken a long look at other options.

Right now there's nothing else I can do but suck it up and live with the choices I've made. I borrowed the money and it's my responsibility to pay it back, but the fact Sallie Mae won't settle with me paying a lower monthly amount is simply disheartening. It feels like they use predatory tactics to get people to sign loans with them. Information seems to be easily accessible and the financial aid officers are helpful and willing to go with plans that go with your financial situation, but in the end when they finally have you by the neck, everything changes and you're suddenly hopeless and can't do anything about it.

The money I make right now is simply not enough to live on my own, while paying off my loan debt and food/rent/car/ect. I have very few options to go to from where I currently stand, unless I want to live with my parents for the next 15+ years or so I'll have to eventually enlist in the military. So I can finish my education, and then serve for many years (which ironically is another long-term commitment. Lol.) to help me pay off my debt.

Education's supposed to help you gain that sense of independence so many people yearn, supposed to advance you in society. However, with the way the system works and most people having to take on loans the size of a mortgage, I feel it just ties you down and limits your options overall. I honestly feel trapped in a box with no way out and no airholes. It's hard to describe, but who knows maybe I'm just going through some late teen-emo shit everybody goes through at some point.

Hopefully, things will brighten up in the future. It's an unknown future out there, after all.

/end rant

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